perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
