I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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