Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
