You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
