So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize