wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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