You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
