so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
