i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
