could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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