Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
