I understand Curling. That high.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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