Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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