woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I skipped work to stalk him.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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