What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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