This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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