So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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