Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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