It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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