Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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