What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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