I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I stole a fireplace last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
