i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
