You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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