This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
