Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
