May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
