I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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