I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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