Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
