one two three fourrrrnication!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
