Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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