the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
