Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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