is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
