Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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