Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
