i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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