i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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