I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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