Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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