Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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