Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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