you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
