Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
