We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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