i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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