Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
These tits shall not be calmed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
