WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
