Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it hurts more in the daytime
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
