Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
