I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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