I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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