I've blown a few things in my day
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
