Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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