The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When are your genitals available?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
