oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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