I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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