we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
