I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
