He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
