Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
