Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
