i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
