hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
