I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we're making bets on your personal life
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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