he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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