Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
