I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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