Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There's always time for handjobs
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
