this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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