i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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