It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
