He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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