So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
