He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She's the barista slut.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
